How do I start planning my own funeral?

Start with Step 1: decide how the funeral will be paid for (insurance, prepaid plan, or savings). Then work through the remaining steps: choose burial/cremation, visit a funeral home, document your preferences, and create a file. Most people complete the process in 1-2 weekends.

Is preplanning the same as prepaying?

No. Preplanning is documenting your wishes — it's free. Prepaying is paying the funeral home in advance for specific services — it costs $5,000-$15,000+. You can preplan without prepaying by using final expense insurance to cover the cost.

Can I plan my funeral without telling my family?

You can complete Steps 1-8 alone. But Step 9 (telling someone) is essential — the file is useless if nobody knows it exists. You don't need a family meeting — one quiet conversation with one trusted person is enough.

How much does it cost to preplan a funeral?

Preplanning itself is free — you're organizing information. The funeral cost is covered by insurance ($30-$70/month), a prepaid plan ($5,000-$15,000), or savings. The preplanning visit to a funeral home costs nothing.

Should I preplan at the funeral home or just buy insurance?

Both. Preplan at the funeral home for free (document preferences, get price quotes). Cover the cost through insurance (portable, pays fast, not tied to one provider). This combination gives you documented wishes AND financial protection.

What if I change my mind after preplanning?

Update your file. Preplanning isn't a contract — it's a set of documented preferences. If you switch from burial to cremation, move to a new city, or change your song choices, update the file. Review every 2-3 years.

How to Plan Your Own Funeral in Advance

You've decided to plan your own funeral. That decision alone puts you ahead of 80% of Americans who leave everything to their grieving family. This guide walks you through the 10 steps — from choosing burial or cremation to telling your family where the file is. Most people finish in one weekend. Some take a few weekends. There's no deadline. The point is to start.

When you preplan, your family receives three gifts:

Clarity. They know exactly what you wanted — no guessing, no arguments, no guilt.
Financial protection. The funeral is paid for before the bill arrives.
Permission to grieve. Instead of spending the first 48 hours making decisions, they spend it together.

"People who don't preplan aren't being brave about death. They're outsourcing the hardest decisions of their life to the people who love them most — at the worst possible moment."

Step 1 — Decide How It Gets Paid For

Step 1

This is the foundation. Everything else is preferences. This is the money.

Three options:

A. Final expense insurance (recommended)

$30-$70/month. No medical exam. Pays your beneficiary $5,000-$25,000 within 24-72 hours of your death. They use the money to pay the funeral home. Your rate never increases. Can't be outlived. Can't be depleted by medical bills.

Why this is the best preplanning tool: You can preplan the service at one funeral home today and die 20 years from now when that funeral home has been sold, moved, or closed. The insurance money goes to your FAMILY — who can use ANY funeral home. It's portable in a way prepaid plans aren't.

B. Prepaid funeral plan

Pay the funeral home directly, in advance, at today's prices. Your choices and costs are locked in. Downside: your money is tied to ONE funeral home. If they close, get acquired, or you move to another state — complications arise. Some states have consumer protection laws for prepaid plans; others don't.

C. Dedicated savings

Earmark $10,000-$15,000 in a savings account or CD. Tell your family it's for the funeral. Downside: savings can be spent before you die — medical emergencies, long-term care costs, or Medicaid spend-down can drain it.

"Most preplanning guides skip the money question and go straight to casket choices and song picks. That's backwards. The casket doesn't matter if nobody can pay for it."

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Step 2 — Choose Burial or Cremation

Step 2

This is the biggest decision and it affects everything else: cost, timeline, cemetery, casket/urn, and service format.

Burial: Traditional. Costs $7,848+ average. Requires a cemetery plot, casket, possibly a vault. Permanent location for family to visit.

Cremation: Growing choice (~50% in WV). Costs $1,000-$2,300 for direct cremation. Flexible — remains can be kept at home, scattered, buried, or divided among family.

Green burial: Biodegradable casket, no embalming, no vault. $2,000-$4,000. Eco-friendly. Limited cemetery options — check local availability.

Alkaline hydrolysis (water cremation): Available in WV since 2022. $2,000-$4,000. 90% less carbon emissions than flame cremation. Available at Smith Funeral in Morgantown and Burnside in Bridgeport.

Write your choice down. Tell your family. This one decision saves them from the most agonizing question they'll face.

→ Cremation vs burial costs

Step 3 — Choose a Funeral Home (Or At Least Visit One)

Step 3

You don't have to commit to a funeral home today. But visiting one NOW — when you're calm and clear-headed — is radically different from your family visiting one in crisis.

What to do:

Visit 1-2 funeral homes in your area
Ask for the General Price List (required by law — they must give it to you)
Tour the facility
Ask about preplanning options
Get a price quote for the service you want

What you'll learn: What things actually cost. What's included and what's extra. Whether you feel comfortable there. Whether the staff treats you with respect when you're NOT spending money today.

"A funeral home visit when nobody has died is the most clear-eyed consumer experience you'll ever have. No tears, no time pressure, no upselling. Just information."

→ Find funeral homes in your WV city

Step 4 — Document Your Service Preferences

Step 4

Write down your answers to each of these. Your family will follow them with relief — not guilt.

The service:

Religious or secular?
At a church, the funeral home chapel, or another venue?
Open casket or closed? (if burial)
Who should officiate?
Who should give the eulogy?
Who should be pallbearers? (list 6-8 names)

The music:

Specific songs? (list 2-4)
Live music or recorded?
Hymns, country, pop, classical?

The readings:

Specific poems or scripture?
Who should read them?

The personal touches:

Specific outfit you want to wear?
Photos to display?
Military honors? (if veteran)
Flowers or "in lieu of flowers, donate to ___"?
Reception after the service?

→ Songs for funerals → Funeral poems

Step 5 — Choose a Cemetery and Plot (If Burial)

Step 5

If you've chosen burial, decide WHERE:

Family cemetery plot (check if space is available)
Church cemetery (often the cheapest option — some are free for members)
Community cemetery
VA national cemetery (free for eligible veterans — headstone, flag, perpetual care included)

Buy the plot now if possible. Cemetery plots increase in price every year. Buying now locks in today's rate. Some cemeteries offer payment plans for plot purchases.

If cremation: Decide where the remains go. An urn at home? A cemetery niche? Scattered at a meaningful location? Buried in a family plot? Write it down.

Step 6 — Choose a Casket or Urn

Step 6

For burial — the casket:

Funeral home caskets: $2,000-$10,000+
Third-party caskets (Costco, Walmart, Titan Casket): $500-$1,500
Funeral homes MUST accept caskets purchased elsewhere (FTC Funeral Rule)
Tell your family: "Buy the casket from ___" or "Use the least expensive option"

For cremation — the urn:

Funeral home urns: $100-$500+
Online urns (Amazon, Etsy): $30-$150
No urn required — remains can stay in the basic container provided

"Telling your family 'buy the cheapest casket' or 'don't spend more than $1,500 on a casket' removes the guilt of choosing an affordable option. They're not being cheap — they're following YOUR instructions."

Step 7 — Write Your Obituary (Or Draft One)

Step 7

Writing your own obituary sounds strange. But nobody knows your life better than you.

At minimum, draft the facts:

Full legal name (including maiden name)
Date and place of birth
Education, career highlights, military service
Spouse, children, grandchildren (names)
Church membership, hobbies, passions
Organizations and memberships

Then add one personal line that captures who you were. "She made the world's best biscuits and refused to share the recipe." "He could fix anything with duct tape and determination."

Your family can add the death date, service details, and their own words later. But having the framework written saves them from staring at a blank page at midnight.

→ Obituary templates

Step 8 — Create the File

Step 8

Put everything from Steps 1-7 in one folder or binder:

The file should contain:

Payment method documentation (insurance policy info, prepaid plan contract, or savings account details)
Burial/cremation preference (written clearly)
Funeral home preference (name, address, contact — or "use whoever is most affordable")
Service preferences (the list from Step 4)
Cemetery/plot information (if burial)
Casket/urn instructions
Obituary draft
A list of people to notify (with phone numbers)
Your one-page "If Something Happens to Me" summary

Label it clearly: "My Funeral Plans" or "If Something Happens to Me"

Store it where it can be found: Not in a safe deposit box (sealed at death). In a fireproof home safe, a top dresser drawer, or with your attorney.

Step 9 — Tell Someone

Step 9

The file is useless if nobody knows it exists.

Choose one person — spouse, adult child, sibling, close friend — and have this conversation:

"I've preplanned my funeral. Here's where the file is: [location]. Here's how it's paid for: [insurance/prepaid/savings]. I'm telling you because I trust you to carry this out."

That's it. One person. Two minutes. Everything they need.

Optional but recommended: Tell your attorney and your funeral home that a file exists and who has it.

Step 10 — Update It Every Few Years

Step 10

Preplanning isn't a one-time event. Review your file every 2-3 years and after major life changes:

New grandchild? Add their name to the obituary draft.
Moved to a new city? Update the funeral home preference.
Changed your mind about burial vs. cremation? Update the file.
Spouse died? Update your beneficiary designations and insurance.
Favorite song changed? Update the music list.

"A plan that was perfect at 60 may not fit at 75. Five minutes of updates every few years keeps it current."

Two Different Things — Don't Confuse Them

Preplanning (what this guide covers)

Documenting your wishes. Choosing burial or cremation. Picking songs and readings. Creating the file. Telling someone.

Cost: Free. You're organizing information, not spending money (except the insurance premium).

Prepaying

Paying the funeral home in advance for specific services at today's prices. Your money is held by the funeral home (or in a trust) until you die.

Cost: $5,000-$15,000+ paid upfront or in installments.

Why preplanning + insurance is usually better than prepaying:

Insurance money follows your FAMILY. Prepaid money follows the FUNERAL HOME.
If you move, change your mind, or the funeral home closes — insurance adapts. Prepaid plans may not.
Insurance pays within 72 hours. Prepaid plans are already paid — but your family has no cash for other expenses.
Insurance can cover MORE than the funeral (bills, groceries, rent). Prepaid covers ONLY the funeral.

"Preplan at the funeral home for free. Pay for it through insurance. That's the smartest combination."

Step 1 Is the Most Important — Lock In Your Rate Today

Final expense insurance: the financial foundation of every funeral preplan.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Plan the Funeral — Then Lock Down the Will

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